Wednesday, December 19, 2007

All Hail The Snaggerdoodle

Judges, prepare to swoon.

"Can these possibly be as good as they look?" you ask yourself.

They're better. Better, stronger, faster. They are no longer mere cookies. They are ├╝ber treats, designed to maximize tastiness while retaining full caloric power.

Top cookie scientists from the Snag Family Test Kitchen labored for months over these chocolate sirens. Was theirs a simple task? Of course not. Greatness never is. We lost six of our best men in a gruesome cocoa accident. Another two suffered crippling injuries when an improperly designed arc welder caused a fire in a half-empty bag of almonds. We persevered, however, because the Bake-Off is more than just the sum of its entrants. The Bake-Off is Life.

And that is what we have created. "I give you life!" is not merely the roar of a maddened doctor in a bloody lab coat, it is our cry of victory, the exhortation we used to send these cookies on their way, through snow, sleet, and rain, by rail, air, land, even space if need be.

Judges, Life will soon be in your hands.

Note to DEA: The "Magical Cookies" reference on the plate does not mean what Billy Pilgrim thinks it does.


Jennifer said...

Mine are here, baby!!! The UPS man was wearing a full Hazmat suit and delivered them with tongs! Our dog, at first barking when I opened the door, scurried out of the room whimpering as I took hold of the Snag package (this was said for Kathleen, fish and Brando... When our dog finally re-emerged, he was hairless and looked like he had seen the face of GAWD!!!

Anyhow, they're here. You're 5th in my judging queue. I did notice that the package was bribe-free, but then maybe a package from Snag is bribe enough. :)

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

And it's not on fire.


fish said...

Editor's correction: "but then maybe a package from Snag is bribe enough"

Should actually be: "but then maybe Snag's package is bribe enough"

On a side note, how come your camera is drunk? Or is it me?

Snag said...

What? No bribe? The delivery person must have taken the large wad of cash that was enclosed. Probably because it was on fire when I put it in the mail.

While Snag's package would indeed be quite the bribe, I can't afford the shipping costs for that large a box. As for your question whether the camera was drunk or you are, the answer is yes.

Kathleen said...

those look like leaves flecked with paint chips.

and snag... Dick in A Box jokes are so 2006.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I figured it was out of focus so we wouldn't see the teeming maggots and dung beetles.

Now, are those part of the recipe, or were you 'free-ballin' it?

Jennifer said...

BP is soooo bitter...

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Jennifer, tell AG that Mandos banned me, and I no longer need to be banned.

Banned!! I've been banned!!!

Anonymous said...

Bwuh, where'd I ban you?

(They brought back the URL feature, yay!)