Thursday, May 3, 2007

Bon Appétit, Volume 2

While we are on the subject of animals, it seemed a good time to discuss some more of my favorite ways to cook them. Check out these delicious recipes.

1. Black Rhino Soufflé

Capture and kill one medium black rhino. Saw off horn and discard remainder of rhino. Grind horn into powder, mix with other soufflé ingredients, and bake until soufflé-like.

Serves 1.

2. Loggerhead Fettuccine

Shell and devein 10-12 loggerhead sea turtle hatchlings. Melt 3 tbsps. butter and sauté hatchlings until pink. Set aside.

In meantime, boil large pot of water and cook 1 lb store-bought fettuccine noodles per instructions on package. Drain and set aside.

In pan used to sauté hatchlings, add 1 cup whipping cream and 1 cup grated Parmesan. Cook on low heat until cheese is melted. Salt and pepper to taste.

When sauce is done, add hatchlings and continue cooking on low until warmed through. Toss with fettuccine noodles, sprinkle with parsley and additional grated Parmesan, and serve immediately.

Serves 4-6.

3. Braised Elk Gizzards

Peel 20-30 young elk. Wash, dry, and refrigerate gizzards.

Make elk stock by simmering remainder of elk in large 40-gallon pot until tender, approximately 3 weeks. Drain pot, reserving liquid.

Finely chop elk and combine with 1 bay leaf, 3 cloves, 1/2 finely chopped celery stalk, and one sprig thyme to make a bouquet garni. Add bouquet garni to stock and boil until reduced to 2 cups.

Heat 3 tbsps. olive oil in skillet until almost smoking. Add gizzards and cook until well-browned. Reduce heat and add elk stock and 1/2 cup dry white wine. Partially cover and cook for 25-30 minutes or until gizzards are medium-rare. While cooking, add additional wine or isopropyl to skillet if gizzards appear to be drying out.

Serves 6 as a main course, 82 as an appetizer.


Anonymous said...

"Peel 20-30 young elk"?? Are the elk still living when you peel them?

And... isopropyl? Is this so you go blind and can't see what you're eating?

Elmo said...

I craving some fried Bald Eagle snagwiches...

Anonymous said...

As much as it gives me dry heaves to say so, Pinko was right. This blog is pants-peeingly funny.

Anonymous said...

UC has eaten elk before. He should tell you about it.

Snag said...

'Tis better to eat an elk than to be eaten.

Chuckles said...

I prefer Impala knuckle kabobs. The impalas look so funny trying to jump around without any feet.*

*I have actually eaten these, but I have no idea what they did with the rest of the impala. This was not a Chevy Impala.

b.kiddo said...