Family Time

"Fight the power!"

"Shut up or I'll kill you too," I told my middle son. He was encouraging his younger brother, who'd just kicked me under the table before running out of the room.

"Stick it to the man," the middle kid reiterated. The youngest giggled.

"They're so dumb," said my oldest.

"I know," I said.

"You're not any better," he told me.

The Lovely Bride closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This is what passes for dinner conversation in our house.

"What does that mean?" I asked the oldest.

"You encourage them," he replied.

"How?"

"With your stupid songs."

"You mean the Lucy Song?"

"Don't start," he snarled.

"She's an evil puppy, an evil hound, she'd be better off dead or at the pound," I sang to the tune of "It's a Small World." Lucy responded by grabbing my arm with her mouth. She doesn't bite, she just sucks on it.

"The worst dog ever," I mused. "She makes Marley look like Lassie."

"You deserved to get kicked," said the oldest.

The youngest whooped his approval from the kitchen. Lucy released my arm and charged after him. One of them barked a few times.

"I wish we could have more family dinners," I said.

The Lovely Bride shuddered and poured herself another glass of wine.

"When I leave for college, I'm never coming back," said the oldest.

"That's what I said when I was your age," I told him.

"No, Grandma said she didn't want you back," he said.

"He's right," the Lovely Bride reminded me.

Lucy charged back into the room and lunged at the food on my plate. When I blocked her, she began circling the table, looking for another angle.

"When you go to college you have to bring this horrible dog with you," I told my oldest.

"I will," he said.

"And your brothers," I added.

"You're being stupid again," he said.

"Will you take your father?" the Lovely Bride asked him.

"No. Sorry, mom," he said.

"We're the best family ever!" I said proudly.

"Except for you," said the middle kid.

"I love you son," I told him.

"I love you too, daddy," he said in his best imitation of a four year old.

"Will you take me with you to college?" the Lovely Bride asked my oldest.

"Sure," he said.

"The best family ever," I repeated.