Friday, December 30, 2011


I smiled at the owner of the butcher shop down the street from my office. He smiled back at me.

"What do you have that's good?" I asked.

He raised an eyebrow quizzically and responded in Vietnamese.

"Barbecued pork?" I asked.

His smile got wider but it was clear I still wasn't getting through.

"Oink, oink?" I suggested.

Now his smile was tinged with just a hint of fear. He tightened his grip on the cleaver he was holding.

I glanced around the small shop in hopes of finding a way to communicate.

"Like that!" I exclaimed, pointing at a smoked pig's head sitting on a shelf in a corner.

He looked at the head, then back at me, and said something else in Vietnamese. I'm pretty sure it was, "Are you shitting me?"

I pointed at the head again, shook my own, oinked, and said, "No." Then I pointed to my belly, nodded my head, oinked, and said, "Yes."

"Aaah!" he said as his face lit up with understanding. He disappeared into a back room and I heard him whacking at something with his cleaver. He soon returned with a white Styrofoam box. I handed him some money, he gave me some change, and we smiled at each other and waved good-bye.

"What is that?" my assistant asked when I'd returned to my desk and opened the box.

"Barbecued pork," I said. "I think so, anyway. I got to practice my cultural skills when I bought it."

"Oh, brother," she said. "What did you do this time?"

"I made a new friend," I said proudly.

"Why is it that so many of your 'friends' are people who sell you food?" she asked.

"I am kind of a pig," I admitted.

She rolled her eyes and turned to walk away.

"Oink," I said.


zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Huh. my new friends usually sell me alcohol.

Jennifer said...

Where'd my comment go... did I oops?

Jennifer said...


(I'm trying again...)

Jennifer said...

also related

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Is this the sequel to Howl?

Jennifer said...

Perhaps Snag should have done the A,B,C's of Animal Noises! However, that would probably have been done best with audio.

wv: demento


fish said...

I was expecting the ending scene in Seven...

Pinko Punko said...


Thit Nuong, Snag. Thit Nuong.

Snag said...

Unfortunately, PP, I'm not very good at pronouncing foreign languages. I'd probably end up offending him.

Also also related.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Piggo, piggere, squeali, gruntum, he conjugated.

Kathleen said...

"put that pig's head in mah belly!!!!!"

Brando said...

I was expecting the ending scene in Seven...

Apparently I don't just drink like a fish but think like one.

Substance McGravitas said...

I'd probably end up offending him.

How could you tell? Oh right, the cleaver.

Captcha says it's swiness.