Sunday, February 10, 2008

United Nations Of Moose

This blog was recently honored to host a somewhat disturbingly intense debate about moose conjugation. Guests included Kathleen, Billy Pilgrim, Mendacious D, fish, Brando, Chuckles, mdhatter, and Mandos. It was as if the Algonquin Round Table magically transported through time, with Jennifer echoing Dorothy Parker's little known interest in Alces americanus.

Beyond giving me perhaps more information than I needed about the psychology of my virtual friends, the discussion heped me realize how little we really know about Brother Moose. Earlier explorations of the glamour and despair that mark both sides of forest life only scratched the surface, failing to consider the role of moose around the world.


France
























The French Moose (sometimes referred to as the "Freedom Elk) has always played a large role in continental cuisine. With their delicate touch and devotion to the good things in life, they have traditionally been employed as sauciers in many of the country's Michelin starred restaurants.

Here we see Pierre waiting for his mistress at the annual Jerry Lewis film festival.


Japan


















Many are familiar with Tom Cruise's role as a fallen American introduced to the ancient traditions of the samurai. Less familiar is that these Japanese warriors have always been trained in the Way of the Moose by a silent and shadowy group of black-antlered monks.

In this rare photograph, Jiyuu
, an Imperial Master, prepares for battle.


Tanzania
























As Bureaucrat of the Jungle, the African Moose is responsible for overseeing the administrative tasks related to the annual Great Migration of the Serengeti. His unmatched skill at watering hole politics makes him a feared predator.

Akida is shown here conducting inventory.


Germany



















Much of Germany's militaristic history can be attributed to die Elche. Trained from birth as ruthless and efficient killing machines, these bloodthirsty monsters leave behind nothing but tears and smoldering ash.

In this historic photograph, Elsa invades Poland.


Canadia


















Abundant natural resources and a long history of social welfare have created a vibrant Canadianan hospitality industry. Nevertheless, many remain unaware that Molson began as a backwoods distillery run by moose on the run from the prohibition era United States.

The Honourable Peter "Peaty" Boggs is shown at his swearing in as Minister of Beverages.

19 comments:

Jennifer said...

Oh Snag!!! My Alces americanus-loving heart is filled with glee at this moose-bounty. I am once again thrilled to be made aware of what a small moose world it is after all.

I look forward to your upcoming review of moose in film!!

Have you seen "No Country for Old Moose" yet? Or "Juno"? I heard it's about a young Alaskan moose that gets some action before her time.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I don't have the faintest idea what you're talking aboot.

Kathleen said...

This article will bring a tear to the brown eye of my dinner party companion, Salmon Moose.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry but I never went on the Small World ride at Disney, because of my fears of dancing mecha moose.

Snag said...

A mechanized salmon colored movie critic? I don't have the faintest idea what they're talking aboot either.

Anonymous said...

Jennifer: Don't forget "There Will Be Cud" and "Clovenhoof."

Jennifer said...

Mandos- excellent choices! I hope Snag will include them.

Elmo said...

That Canadian moose looks awful familiar?

fish said...

I almost swallowed my tongue laughing when I read "There Will be Cud."

Glad to also see someone knows how to spell Canadia.

fish said...

It is a little known fact that internal sedition within the ranks of the Wehrmelche was the true cause for the collapse of the Nazi war machine.

Kathleen said...

Daniel Day Lewis really chews the scenery.

Snag said...

Two of my favorites are Moose Over Broadway and Spider-Moose 3.

Jennifer said...

My eldest lamblet thought this post should inspire the remake of "Around the World With 80 Moose".

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

You're all moosing the point. I'd like to elk, but all my deer friends here seem to have lost their antlers to reality.

This game is beneath alces you. Your mammalia didn't raise you that wapiti.

It's like this place is suddenly the Antlerville Horror. Norway I'm hanging around here to Sweden what happens.

Jennifer said...

Dear. Lord. I think BP needs a vacation.

Anonymous said...

About those hats...I hate to say it, but I think one can tell they were photoshopped (if one looks real closely). Anyway, Gavin at Sadly,No does need the work...

Chuckles said...

Isn't there a southern variety of French Moose? Or perhaps the alsace americanus is extinct now.

Brando said...

The beauty of the Japanese moose is you don't need a slaughterhouse. You just shame them into killing themselves.

And how is the Canadia moose not drinking Moosehead? Too Soylent Green?

"There Will Be Cud" wins fake movie title of the year.

fish said...

LOL @ Uncle Noel, but I think the pictures are unaltered. My hat has a giant square around it too.