Monday, October 8, 2007

Eating Good In The Neighborhood

Jennifer's recent post about the Dog n' Suds chili dog and root beer emporium got me thinking, as most things to, about food. Specifically, about ways to combine my love for money and my love for food in a free market testament to übergluttony. So far I've found these potential franchise opportunities.

1. The Moose and Matzoh
Combining the ancient Jewish passover traditions of unleavened bread and ungulates, this dine-in favorite screams "fun" like an old lady with a shopping cart full of recyclables. The famous "Moss Malt" (a secret combination of kelp and Jägermeister) keeps Dad coming back for more. Mom's just happy to drop the kids in the attached PlayCenter, complete with ammunition reloaded on the premises. Souvenir yarmulkes, complete with realistic looking antlers, are available with an order of the Rat Bastard Meal off the kid's menu.

2. The Licorice Leech
When scientists finally learned how to raise these tasty bloodsuckers on a diet of ouzo and taffy, they created a marketing monster. With outlets already located throughout the Muscle Shoals area, this business opportunity is just waiting to be taken north. FDA approval pending.

3. The Chancre
All the rage with Midwestern teenagers desperate to prove they're popular. The drive-thru swabbing station is open until 2 a.m. on Fridays and Saturdays. Got a Hankering for some Hep C? We've got you covered.

4. Taco Bell
Melty. Give me a freaking break.

5. Der Fooden Housen
An award winning German-themed truck stop. Its menu offers a wide range of delicacies, ranging from "Meat Covered With Gravy" to "Gravy With Meat in It." Cashiers wear jodhpurs. Youngsters get complimentary hammers with orders of $23 or more. Currently located in seventeen Caribbean cities.

Who's in?


Anonymous said...

Der Fooden Housen!!! I love the variety of options involving meats and gravies.

It makes me wonder, would the old standby, Shit on a Shingle be offered there or would Shit N Shingle be a unique eatery??

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Jew food is never good. Not even with moose.

AG is vomiting now.

Chuckles said...

There's meat in my gravy.

There's gravy in my meat!

Reese's just got inspired for a new pieces.

Kathleen said...

I prefer to franchise out laudromat combo ideas. Sure there is your standard landromat/bar, or laundromat/gym. But landromat users need so much more. Laundromat/apple picking. Laundromat/tax preparation. Laundromat/dentist.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Kathleen, I say we just give every American an education and a washer and dryer.

Mendacious D said...

In my old neighbourhood there was a combination laundromat and tanning salon. It closed recently but had been there for years.

But I really need to post at some point on the downtown bar called the Loose Moose. They have a mooseburger, but it's not moose. Just very tasty.

AG: Whinerschnitzel?

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Friggin' MD.

I go by the blog he supposedly quit and cannot leave comments.

Then he posts over here.

No RoD love?!





Elmo said...

I want a mooseburger, to go...

Kathleen said...

laundromat and tanning salon.

god that is awesome.

Brando said...

How about Hooters Henpeckery? This randy cockfighting establishment gets you hungry for blood, and then fills you with delicious wings made from the loser. All while being served by beautiful girls in shorts and Michael Vick jerseys.

Righteous Bubba said...

The Last Gruntier

Innovative dishes based on less well-known parts of our favourite porkers. Join us for paupières avec du fromage, gâteau de pelvien-os and the somewhat spartan Albanian delicacy, bristle soup.