Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Coming Soon!

Mendacious D, knowing of my love for all things edible, referred me to this illustration. There's only one word to describe it - mouthwatering!

There's also only one word to describe the demand for the forthcoming NY Times bestseller, Snag's Cooking Now - extremely incredible! Many of you have seen previous selections from this soon-to-be-a-major-motion-picture-blockbuster masterpiece. Now, as a special bonus, Friends of Befouled are being offered a sneak peak at the marketing materials for the Book That Will Change Your Life.

Noted chef de cuisine Snag draws from his vast repertoire of Google searches to create a spectacular coffee table book. This lavishly aromatic gift from heaven features recipes ranging from simple weeknight preparations like Buckthorn Surprise and Boiled Mackerel ala Duesenberg to elegant meals such as Glazed Potash and Truffled Platinum. Each recipe is accompanied with step-by-step illustrations demonstrating how to undertake even the most difficult kitchen task, be it filleting a charging rhino or cauterizing a sucking chest wound.

As a further bonus, Snag has included entries from celebrities around the world. Who knew that Kofi Annan is a fan of sauteed cheese or that Ani DiFranco loves baked egret? Apparently Snag did, for their recipes are lovingly reprinted here, complete with warning letters from various attorneys.

This is more than just a cookbook, though. Snag uses the world of food as a jumping off point for the larger issues that concern all of us. Whether discussing the relationship between pasta and Toronto's notorious mandatory abortion laws, the effect of global warming on ham, or the spork's impact on modern art, his insatiable curiosity delights and confounds the reader.

The majesty of this epic work goes beyond its contents. With his customary attention to detail, Snag has designed a book that is as beautiful to hold as it is to read. Printed on silk and bound in washable Gouda, it will occupy a cherished place on your mantel for generations to come. Act now and your three easy installments of $79.99 will also include a genuine pencil.

And this is a book with heart. One hundred sixteen percent of after-Snag proceeds will be donated to the Save Atlantis Foundation, a charity Snag created and runs for the purpose of preserving this fabled underwater kingdom for future generations. As Pope Benedict XVI would have said if asked, "Buy two copies unless you hate your children."

So call now! Desperate operators are standing by!!


Adorable Girlfriend said...

Kofi Annan is a raging a-hole and I will not read this post just because I saw him mentioned.

I will however read a post on avacado prep. That shit ain't easy!!

Snag said...

Avocado prep as in guacamole?

Anonymous said...

"extremely incredible"

Oh... I thought it said, extremely inedible.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Both guac and how to deal with that damn pit in the middle.

I hope pLoVeR doesn't see this post. He/She/It/Bird is going to be pissed unless you serve a side of spiders.

Snag said...

I just pry the pit out with my hands, but I'm into that sort of thing.

Here's the guacamole recipe I gorge on all summer, with occasional variations depending on what's on hand. It's originally from Huntley Dent's "The Feast of Santa Fe" and takes about five minutes to make.

Basic Guacamole

For 2 1/2 to 3 cups:

1/4 small red onion, cut into chunks
1 tomato, seeded and cut into chunks
2 large avocados (3 if the smooth variety, which has a large pit), peeled
1 or 2 garlic cloves, mashed and chopped
1 tablespoon olive oil
3 tablespoons lime juice
Salt and pepper to taste
1 fresh jalapeƱo, seeded and chopped

Cut the onion, tomato and avocado flesh into rough 1/2-inch chunks, mash them in a bowl with a sturdy fork, then add the remaining seasonings. Serve immediately. If the guacamole must stand, keep it in a cool place, but not refrigerated, with plastic wrap pressed directly onto the surface to prevent discoloring.

Anonymous said...

Snag- don't you wrap yourself in Saran to prevent discoloring?

Anonymous said...

I don't know about the olive oil (it's not Mexican, and avacados are pretty much made of oil already), but otherwise that's a good recipe. I add a fat pinch of cumin (comino)...try it sometime, it's fantastic. Also, the biggest mistake people make with guacamole is undersalting it. I'm not one to salt the hell out of food, but avacados are fatty and need more salt than you might think to be "seasoned to taste". Also, be generous with the lime juice.

Anonymous said...

People also smash it to death. Good guac needs some chunks! I agree with the no olive oil. Adding oil would be like taking coals to New Castle.

Snag- I think the regular appearance of Res signals that he's sniffing out the bake-off competition!

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Thanks for the recipe. I'll give it to my housekeeper.

Come on!

I'm AG.

A good Jewessa.

I make reservations!

Snag said...

I've found I like the mouth feel of it better with the olive oil, but that may be because I oftentimes have to use avocados that aren't as ripe as I'd like.

In any event, I definitely need oil for my avocado-sardine upside down cake. Game on, Res!

Anonymous said...

I like it smooth, myself, rather than chunky. I make it "a l'Inde", with ginger and garlic and all that stuff.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Explosive Moose quacomole.

EXCELLENT Ska band name. Excellent.

...and a chili dog.

Anonymous said...

The whole smooth vs. chunky thing is interesting. My boyfriend loves it smooth, and he's a bona fide Mexican (naturalized here at age 24), so who am I to argue? I'm from Missouri, ferchristsakes! But I strongly prefer it to be quite chunky.

Kathleen said...

love love love that image.