Inside Voice

"Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring, Bananaphone!" I sang.

"Shut up!" my oldest son yelled from the other room.

"Bananaphone!" I sang, even louder.

"What's all that racket?" the Lovely Bride asked as she came in with a bag of groceries.

"He's being obnoxious again," said the oldest.

"I'm singing," I said.

"He just keeps screaming 'Bananaphone!'" said the boy.

"It's Raffi," I explained. "From his album of the same name."

"Why do you know that?" asked the Lovely Bride.

"I was looking for something else on the internet and found a Bananaphone video," I said. "Bananaphone!" I helpfully added at the top of my lungs.

"You see?" snarled my oldest.

"That is obnoxious," she told him.

My middle kid, who'd been sitting at the kitchen table throughout this discussion, looked up and said, "He's always obnoxious. He's not always this loud, though."

"Have you been drinking?" the Lovely Bride asked me.

"I wish," I said. "The so-called cardiologist won't let me."

"Following doctor's orders isn't exactly your strong suit," she pointed out.

"True," I acknowledged. "But it's only 10 a.m. and that would be early even if I was still in my prime."

"Well, if you're not drunk, why are you being so noisy?" she asked.

"I'm drunk on love for my family. In return, I am offering you the bounty of my song," I said.

"Please go do it somewhere else," she said.

"Don't you want me to serenade you?" I asked.

"Not while I'm trying to clean the kitchen," she said.

I whooped with delight. "You're cleaning? Far be it from me to do anything to interfere with that." I retreated downstairs. "Goodbye, my love!" I called.

"Shut up!" the oldest yelled.

"You love me, don't you girl?" I asked our dog Lucy, who'd followed me downstairs. She jumped up and tried to lick my face.

"Bark bark bark bark bark bark bark, the Lucy Dog!" I sang.

"AAAARGH!!!" yelled the oldest.