Thursday, July 28, 2011

Yearning To Be Free

"I can't wait to get out of here," said my oldest.

"Why?" I asked, straining to hear him over the noise of his younger brothers fighting downstairs.

"This is the worst family in history," he said.

"True," I said. "It's Lucy's fault, though." Hearing her name, the dog ran over and started gnawing on my arm.

"She's the only good thing about living here," said the boy. He bent down to pet her. "You're a good girl, aren't you?"

"She's not a dog!" I announced. "She's a bear! Bear! Up!"

Lucy reared back on her hind legs and lurched toward me. "Aaargh, she's attacking!" I shouted.

"Florida's going to be so much better than this," my son muttered.

"Shut the hell up!" I yelled at the two youngest, who were still fighting.

"He won't get off the Playstation!" the youngest yelled back.

"He just wants to watch some stupid baseball game!" yelled the middle one.

"Where's your mother?" I asked the oldest.

"She left."

"Smart woman," I said. "I wonder if she's coming back?"

"I wouldn't if I were her," he said. "And you're no better than they are."

"Oh stop it, it's not that bad."

"It's awful."

"If it's that bad, why didn't you move out before?" I asked.

"I couldn't. I wasn't old enough."

"You could have applied for emancipation."

"I looked into it. It's more complicated than you'd think. I would have needed a court order."

"Really?" I asked, not sure whether to be saddened or impressed by his initiative.

"Let go of me!" the youngest howled at his brother.

"Can I come with you?" I asked the oldest.

"No," he smirked.

"Brat," I told him and then shrieked, "Now is the time on Sprockets when you die!" as I headed downstairs to separate the other two.

"I'll miss you girl," I heard the oldest tell the dog.

14 comments:

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

the dog ran over and started gnawing on my arm.

I call shenanigans; you can NOT have any arm left.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I asked, not sure whether to be saddened or impressed by his initiative.

you should have offered to act as his attorney.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Also, give them all a kiss from me! And don't tell them where I live.

Furthermore, and just so I don't make it look like I am obsessive, nascent Zardoz at MenD's place.

Jennifer said...

Snag should apply for emancipation.

Jennifer said...

I love the line in the comment box that says "choose an identity". I wish I could...

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I am the Silver Surfer, Herald of Galactus.

And I have good news for Snag!
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

doesn't Jennifer have Bad TV to watch?

Kathleen said...

BANANAPHONE

fish said...

Also, give them all a kiss from me!

Unwise to accept zombie "kiss."

My offer to meet up on his dorm room floor still stands. I hear Florida is nice in December.

Substance McGravitas said...

I call shenanigans; you can NOT have any arm left.

Bones can last a long long time.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Bones can last a long long time.

you never saw Lucy.

Von said...

This one made me a little sad

high roller said...

"She's the only good thing about living here."

I love it.

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