Thursday, October 9, 2008

Bon Appétit, Volume 11 - That's Some Good Wolf

Anyone can cook up a storm with gallons of truffle oil and a diamond encrusted pan. When times are tough, though, that's when a chef proves his mettle. To prove mine, I've assembled some of my favorite recipes for those on a budget. Tighten your belt, grab a seat, and let's dig in!

1. Foreclosure Foie Gras

Snare five large pigeons. Forcefeed pigeons for at least three weeks with a half-and-half mix of sand and lard. Remove livers, reserving other organs for garnish. Simmer carcasses in three quarts unflavored water overnight. Cool pigeon stock and strain out feathers. Mix together livers, stock, and a handful of fresh acorns until desired consistency. Serve with reserved organs and day old white bread.

Serves 150 former homeowners or 1 CEO.

2. Bankruptcy Barbecue

Skin and butcher two sacks of varmints. Set aside musk glands to make tea. Marinade varmints overnight in a mixture of one-half pound tallow, a pinch of salt, and one bunch dandelion stalks. Cook over a charcoal briquette until warm and serve immediately.

Serves 23 Okies.

3. King of the Road Kasserole

Stir together two potatoes, a turnip, half a squirrel, and a handful of collards. Pour over one pound minced gravel and slowly mix in one cup ketchup. Allow mixture to ferment until pungent. Accompany with an unoaked turpentine.

Serves 14 hoboes.

4. Soylent Soufflé

Soak one large corpse in water overnight to remove impurities. Drain and blot dry with 401(k) statements. Roll in a breading mix of Malt-O-Meal and hooch. Cook under a hot magnifying glass until edible.

Serves a boy and his dog.

5. Black Monday Macaroons

Boil two gallons water. Stir in one teaspoon flour, a photograph of a coconut, and three cups school grade paste. While still warm, form into macaroon shapes. Dust lightly with grit and store in a damp, cool place until serving.

Serves 6 widows or 14 orphans.

14 comments:

Jennifer said...

Pure Snag!!!

rotten mcdonald said...

"serves A boy and his dog"

heh.

I like you, Snag, I don't care what other people say.

almostinfamous said...

the oxford comma(if that is what it is) confuses me, mr mcdonald! do you like snag, or do you, like snag, not care what other people say?

as a vegetarian, i'm sticking to my found-mushroom-of-the-day recipes thank you very much

rotten mcdonald said...

confusion is comma-n.

rotten mcdonald said...

"I, like you, Snag, don't care what other people say"

"I like, you snag don't care, what; other people say?

I like; you snag don't care what. Other people say!!

Jennifer said...

STOP!! I lost all comma usage rules, but two, with my first pregnancy. Don't make my rewired brain have to think.

I really should read "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves" or was it, "Eats, Shoots and Leaves"?? :)

Or maybe it was Comma, Comma, Comma Chameleon!

Be gentle with the comma-challenged.

rotten mcdonald said...

also, it may be obvious but needs to be said:

SOYLENT SOUFFLE IS CHARLTON HESTON!!!!

Kathleen said...

we need Boy George to make an educational video to help Jennifer out.

comma comma comma comma comma chameleee-onnnnnnnnn

rotten mcdonald said...

I am more of a comma zombie....

Jennifer said...

SOYLENT SOUFFLE IS CHARLTON HESTON!!!!

And you worry about PP... I think I peed on that one.

"You'll get my Soylent Green when you pry it out of my cold, dead hand! Wait!!! My cold, dead hand is Soylent Green!!!"

rotten mcdonald said...

hope you had a garbage can handy Jennifer.

Or, considering the OT, at least a stewpot....

justme said...

Someone is in-comma-tinent.

almostinfamous said...

i think given the current situation(and charlton heston) it should be shoots, eats and leaves

Jennifer said...

i think given the current situation(and charlton heston) it should be shoots, eats and leaves

aif- that made my day. :)