Sunday, September 7, 2008

If Life Gives You Plums

It's Sunday and like clockwork my mother was here to visit.

"I brought you a gift," she announced. "You like plums, don't you?"

"I'm allergic," I said.

"Allergic? To plums? I've never met anyone with a plum allergy."

"It's something in their skin," I said. "It's uncommon, but quite severe. I wouldn't dare touch them."

"You ate them when you were growing up," she said.

"It was adult onset," I told her.

She gave me a skeptical look while my oldest pretended to concentrate on loading the dishwasher. "Very well," she said. "Do the boys like plums?"

"I don't know," I said. "They've never tried one. Plum allergies are passed down on the paternal side. It's not worth the risk."

Just then the Lovely Bride came upstairs. "Good morning," she said.

"Good morning," my mother replied.

"Oh, plums," said the Lovely Bride. "Where did those come from?"

"I brought them," said my mother. "I wasn't aware of his allergy."

"What?"

"Your husband claims to have a plum allergy."

The Lovely Bride stared at me.

"It's possible," I said.

"Why do you ever listen to him?" she asked my mother.

"That's an excellent question," my mother replied.

"It's because I'm such a peach," I said.

"You're a moron," said my oldest.

"Thank God you didn't inherit your father's brains," my mother told her grandson.

12 comments:

Mandos said...

I love the way you rubbed it in with the "peach" quip.

Jennifer said...

Little Snag Horner sat in the corner,
Eating his Mother's pie,
He put in his thumb and pulled out a plum,
And said "What an allergic boy am I!"

fish said...

You should have told her not to be such a prune.

Brando said...

I agree on the peach line, well volleyed.

Jennifer said...

You could have said you expected better from her since you're the apple of her eye...

Mendacious D said...

This is the fault of too much bacon-infused bourbon. Or not enough.

Also, these puns are the pits.

Jennifer said...

I was going to say... the apple comment did not comply with the "stone fruit" line of humor. :(

You could have called your mother that eating plums made your eyes drupe.

Snag said...

It's my mother's fault. When I told her I was getting married, she said, "Remember, you cantaloupe".

Jennifer said...

And you said, "If we cantaloupe, lettuce marry in a ceremony."

Righteous Bubba said...

"Thank God you didn't inherit your father's brains," my mother told her grandson.

Wait until she sees the will!

fish said...

Could have told her that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Kathleen said...

orange I glad these fruit puns have stopped!