A Christmas Letter

Wow! It's hard to believe a whole 'nother year's flown by already. Time never passed this fast in the joint, that's for sure.

Say what you will about 2007, it's been an exciting year for the Snag family. You may have seen the wire service reports about the unfortunate misunderstanding with the elk, the feng shui instructor, and the tanker of food grade vegetable oil, but there was so much more than that.

Our oldest son continues to thrive at "school" and his blissful ignorance of child labor laws keeps us well supplied with bourbon. His favorite sport remains extreme mumblety peg and he's begun to excel at it now that the training wounds have scabbed over.

Our middle child is turning into quite the instrumentalist and recently soloed on the Zamboni at our neighborhood Bastille Day festivities. He's been recommended for an Advanced Placement therapy regimen and we have high hopes he'll find his happy place again sometime soon.

We began home schooling our youngest son as his restraints were making it difficult for him to maneuver in the classroom. He seems to enjoy the extra attention and the doctors are cautiously optimistic that we'll soon be able to reintroduce paste into his curriculum.

My Lovely Bride has returned to school with the dream of becoming an independent pistolero. She has taken to gun play like a streptococcus to a Petri dish and is already wanted in six western states. We're still as crazy in love as the day UPS delivered her to my door and many are the nights I drift asleep to the gentle sound of her quiet whimpers.

As for me, well I hate to brag, but it's been a banner year for Ye Olde Patriarch. Our family grackle polishing business continues to flourish and my depleted uranium collection was featured on the local news after it caught the attention of a congressional oversight committee. In my spare time I've taken up fluoridation and I'm planning a run next year for a spot on our sanitary district board with the support of the pro-sewage lobby.

Best of all, we added a new member to the clan in June, Siegfried the Talking Moose. While Siggy is still pre-verbal, his breeder assures us he comes from a long line of loquacious cervidae. We've printed up our own flash cards and can't wait for the conversation to begin.

From our family to yours, Merry Christmas and Happy Hunting!

Love,

The Snags