Friday, November 30, 2007

Parent Of The Year, Part 6

My youngest son's homework assignment last night was to fill in the blanks on a sheet entitled Rules For Riding on the School Bus. He doesn't ride the bus, having been a walker since '03. (We learned a lot that year, especially about crisis counseling and restraining orders.) Nevertheless, the school gave him the assignment along with the rest of his class. Anything to help him feel normal, I guess.

In any event, being a doting father, I offered to help him with it. He yelped with enthusiasm and after I chased him down and wrestled him back into the house, we settled in with a couple of pencils and our nightly snack of popcorn and bourbon. Our answers are in bold.

1. Every morning your bus runs a/an extraterrestrial route, so you must be sure that you arrive at your local haberdashery early.

2. While waiting, do not yodel in the middle of the street. You might get run over by a/an angry emu.

3. When you see the bus, wave your prehensile tail.

4. Before boarding, make sure you have all of your stolen books and your lunch meats.

5. When you board the bus, do not push or jostle any of the smaller beetles. Go to the nearest empty seat and hibernate.

6. Do not talk to the voices in your head while the bus is in motion.

7. Do not throw feces at the other students.

8. Instead of wasting time by breathing, use the trip to study your friend's exoskeleton.

9. Follow these rules and you will have a/an newsworthy ride and arrive shackled at your well-guarded school.

I found the assignment on the kitchen counter this morning after he'd left for school. He must have forgotten it. I'll bring it to him at school this afternoon so he gets full credit.

7 comments:

Jennifer said...

He must have forgotten. Too bad because all of those sound right. Our driver was going to fast this morning and nearly blew past our stop, but one wave of my prehensile tail and voila!

Prehensile Tail Waver said...

When did Blogger start this crappy log-in!?!? Are they forcing us all to get Google accounts?

billy pilgrim said...

Looks like Snag started baking without us.

He's probably watching Fantasia on the wide screen and eating mini-Oreos by now....

Jennifer said...

bp- I can't believe you missed my use of "to" vs "too".

You're a changed man.

billy pilgrim said...

I'm on blood-pressure control medication.

self-administered....

Adorable Girlfriend said...

BP medication?

Dude, you are old.

Snag, one day I have a feeling Katie is going to take some flesh out of you on the orders of those children.

You should take it down to the school and be sure to wear a funny hat and PJs and give him a big kiss in front of the other kids.

Mendacious D said...

Haberdashery? I figured you for the type to start them as chimney-sweeps.