Today is Election Day in our Great Nation, with all its attendant opportunities to vote for the crazy person of my choice. Using this cherished right prompted me to think about my dream candidate, and the platform he/she/it would support.
1. Abortion
Women will be encouraged to carry to term any fetus whose ultrasound indicates a winning personality. Excess stem cells will be given social security numbers and trained for entry-level jobs in the hospitality industry.
2. Immigration
Illegal immigration will be outlawed. The Statute of Liberty will be moved to Wichita and used for natural gas storage.
3. Civil Rights
Civil disobedience will be mandatory.
4. Taxes
An annual lottery will be held in April. Winners will get a year's exemption from taxes. Losers will be stoned to death.
5. Capital Punishment
Stupid drivers will be killed.
6. Energy Conservation
See #5.
7. Gun Control
Community gun pools will be encouraged as a way to reduce the number of guns on the street.
8. Environment
Four legs good, two legs bad.
9. Arts
Bands of roving poets will be hired to accost strangers in malls and dark alleys. Professional sports will be renamed "performance art," making the United States the top art-loving nation in the world. Woo-hoo! We're #1!
10. Poverty and Hunger
A moose in every pot!
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Modest Proposals
Posted by Snag at 1:03 PM
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10 comments:
Stupid drivers will be killed.
Hee hee, good thing I'm not one of the stupid drivers or boy would I be in for it.
and a chili dog in every garage?
so how many snagform løbbyists have you hired? cause let me tell ya. if you want something done in that congress of yours, you better be making serious bank
You forgot the one about mandatory drunkenness while debating legislation. It won't streamline the process, but it would at least make it entertaining. CSPAN would get ratings!
What about a standardization of bathroom sex codes?
That's a Republican Party platform, Brando.
Snag takes no stance on bathroom sex codes.
My stance on bathroom sex codes is widely popular.
The abortion issue is why AG is still single.
Effin' Republican't cobags.
I hate. Therfore I am AG.
I'm having a love affair with snag all over again.
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