Sunday, July 15, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Friday, July 6, 2012
The World's Smallest Violin
"Where are you going to be using these?" asked the saleswoman as my middle son tried on a pair of indoor soccer shoes.
"I have to go play soccer in Costa Rica," he replied.
"You have to?" she asked.
"For the love of God," I sputtered. "You'd think you were going to the gulag."
"You didn't remind me it was the rainy season when I picked the trip," he said.
"Please kill me," I asked the saleswoman. She gave me a nervous grin and sidled away.
The boy and I were shopping for the two week trip to Costa Rica his grandmother was sending him on. She's promised to send all her grandchildren anywhere they want to go between their junior and senior years in high school. What do I get? The joy of knowing the lives of my children are infinitely better than mine.
"You do realize that nobody in the world feels sorry for you?" I asked my son.
"Wait until they find out I have to wear hippie sandals."
"They're not hippie sandals. They're ungodly expensive Tevas that we bought for whitewater rafting on the Pacuare River. This is the most expensive free trip in history."
"They make me look like a hippie."
"Are you on crack?" I asked him. "Seriously. Let's have a 'Go Ask Alice' talk right now."
"Alice was a hippie too."
"Or is it meth?" I asked.
"It's like those people in the movie 'Hair.' They should get a job instead of hanging out in a park."
"You're still mad at a bunch of fictional characters from a movie you saw ten years ago?"
"You're the one who's always telling me I need to work harder," he reminded me.
My headache was coming back, to the extent it ever leaves.
"Can we buy these shoes and get out of here?" I begged. "We have more shopping left."
"What else do I need?" he asked.
"A backpack," I said. "And some patchouli. And I have to go to the liquor store."
"You didn't tell me we were going to the liquor store."
"That's because I didn't need to go until now."
"I should have let Mom bring me shopping."
"I should have let Mom raise you by herself," I said.
"At least you can't annoy me when I'm in Costa Rica," he said.
Mission accomplished, I thought.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Where In The World Is Snag - June 20, 2012
2.Wishing I was on an ark
3. Waterworld
4. What the hell
5. ?
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Tell-Tale
"See?" I asked the Lovely Bride. "I'm supposed to eat more kimchi."
"That's not what he said," she replied.
"He said I should take good care of myself. Cabbage is healthy. Q.E.D."
The Lovely Bride turned her attention back to the cardiologist.
"Doctor, can you summarize?" she asked.
"Certainly," he replied, clearly relieved to have something to discuss besides fermented vegetables. "Your husband is in atrial fibrillation again. The choice is whether to attempt another cardioversion, coupled with new medications, or to let him live with the condition."
"And as I understand it," I interjected, "the new drugs would carry a small but measurable risk of lung, liver, or heart failure."
"Correct," said the doctor.
"And the research doesn't indicate one way or the other whether living with A-Fib will impact my life expectancy."
"True," he said.
"And my quality of life isn't being impacted in any significant way by my irregular heartbeat."
"You're the best judge of that," he said.
"So, balancing all that, am I wrong to forgo the medication?"
"I can't answer that," he said.
"I've thought about this," I told the Lovely Bride.
"I suppose you have," she said.
I hope I'm right, I thought.
