Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Bon Appétit, Volume 14 - Take Me Out To The Ballgame

With baseball season in full swing (and a miss!), it's time to break out the grill and prepare some of those great American favorites. Best of all, the only tools you need are a good knife, a hot fire, and your cunning and agility.

1. Home Run Platter

Snare and carefully butcher three medium possum. Reserve pelts for quilting. Steam over low heat for approximately one full moon. When tender, whisk together with a Maris and allow to cool to room temperature. Accompany with a hanging curve.

Serves Eight Men Out.

2. Triple Play

Choose one meat from each of the pork, beef, and chicken families. Cook until delicious and stir to blend. Shred one lamb. Discard. With a kitchen torch, sear top of meat blend. Sprinkle with Bac-O-Bits. Serve with flan.

Serves Tinkers, Evers, and Chance.

3. Strikeout Soufflé

Befriend one young soufflé. Nurture until full grown. Decorate with glitter, then roast in a 300 degree oven for approximately two weeks. When police appear, deny everything. Garnish with topiary and fade discreetly into the night.

Serves its purpose.

4. Pop Fowl

Garotte a mature, unsuspecting bird. Hang in a dank place until dank. While danking, reduce three liters Dr. Pepper until viscous. When bird is danked, lard with Dr. Pepper reduction and smoke over pepperwood until gelatinous. Slice thinly and top with pleather.

Serves 2.

5. Contract Corn

Take the proceeds of one Major League Baseball contract and halve. Set aside one half to feed 100,000 hungry children. Use other half to buy popcorn facility. Produce corn, flavor with salt collected from the tears of remaining hungry children. Sell for $10.

Serves very few.


Pinko Punko said...

It is always so hard to get danking right. One must be a danking master.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Your recipes sound very bitter, Snag.

In today's America, a woman can half-way recite her journey of overcoming racism and doing her job...and then get fired because of shouting bigots.

Ain't that Freedom™?

Jennifer said...

The recipe posts are still my favorite. It's been too long.

Kathleen said...

and then get fired because of shouting bigots

and democrats being cowards and democrats. but I repeat myself.

Kathleen said...

Who's on first (course)?

Vonnie said...

LOVE this!

Brando said...

I seriously want to eat something that has Dr. Pepper reduction.

fish said...

#5 is Onion worthy. It makes me laugh and cry...

Kathleen said...

I think Paula Deen has a whole show devoted to Dr. Pepper recipes.

Vonnie said...

We actually use a can of Dr. Pepper with our thanksgiving turkey.
Iz delicious.
word verf: oppine
Don't mind if I do!

Substance McGravitas said...

The recipe posts are still my favorite. It's been too long.

I only steal the best ideas.