Monday, November 2, 2009

A Star Is Born

"Do you want to be in a commercial?" my friend R. asked me.

"For what?"


"Of course," I said. "What do I have to do?"

"Drink beer and act like you enjoy it."

"That'll be a stretch," I said. "What should I wear?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Do I have to wear pants?"

"I don't care," said R. "We're filming it at the art director's house, though, and he's kind of fussy about his furniture."

"Pants it is," I said. "What are my lines?"

"It's a man in the street sort of thing. Just talk about why you like beer."

"Because it helps me forget my kids?" I suggested.

"You and me both," said R. "Unfortunately, that sort of honesty doesn't play well with focus groups."

"I bet it does with our demographic," I said.

"Probably. But we already buy beer."

"And bourbon," I noted.

"Your point?" asked R.

"I have options besides beer."

"This is local beer. It's not only tasty, it supports the economy."

"Why do I care about the economy?"

"So our kids have somewhere to work when they drop out of school," said R.

"I'll be dead by then," I said.

"You wish."

"My family will kill me before my liver does," I said.

"I can get a tagline out of that," said R.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

"My family will kill me before my liver does," I said.

You'd better ™ that one quickly, snag.

fish said...

I would totally buy a beer with that ad campaign. I love when they get right to the heart of the matter. Like the old Schaefer Beer commercials: "Schaefer is the one beer to have when you're having more than one." Gets right to the heart of it. Sure our beer sucks, but it cheap enough that you can get totally wasted.

Jennifer said...

I call typecasting!

Can I have your autograph?

Vonnie said...

I just spit water all over my desk. I should know better than to drink when I'm reading this blog!!

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I always drink when I read Snag's blog.

Snag, make sure you are drinking that beer FROM AN ANIMALS ARE SCARING ME mug!! It's all about the product placement, baby!!

See, all it takes is one weird children's book project, and you're the next Bob Uecker!

Brando said...

My family will kill me before my liver does.

That's Snag's version of The Amazing Race.

Substance McGravitas said...

Beer: properly spelled it won't maul you and haul you away to feed its cubs.

Kathleen said...

LOL. WHy do I suspect that Snag asks "Do I have to wear pants?" disturbingly often?

Snag said...

I actually don't ask whether to wear pants as often as I should.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Congrats! Making your mother proud.

Jennifer said...

I think Snag drank so much during the actual commercial that he's still too drunk to blog.

Snag- it's 10AM... do you know where your pants are??

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

"My family will kill me before my liver does

If they offer me enough, I will zombify you.