Monday, August 13, 2007

Ten Things To Do Before I Die

Inspired by the advertisements that urge me to rack up a large credit card bill in the service of fleeting pleasures, I've prepared a list of things I'd like to do before my time here is done. If I should lapse into a coma before completing any or all of them, please drag my carcass through the paces.

1. Have a disease named after me, preferably not an embarrassing one involving flatulence.

2. Go horseback riding in the menswear department of Macy's.

3. Perform a libretto of my own composition at the Grand Teton Music Festival in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I am currently working on one called "The Taming of the Leek," scored for mouth harp and bassoon.

4. Learn to play the bassoon.

5. Consume a whole emu at one sitting.

6. Visit the great jackal ranches of Japan's mountain regions.

7. Invent a new fossil.

8. Sail a hovercraft across the Atlantic.

9. Get Hamlet's soliloquy tattooed on my back.

10. Go hang gliding in the Mariana Trench.

What would you like to do?

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dine in the most expensive elk sushi parlor, on your new found tab!

Adorable Girlfriend said...

AG knows someone who can teach you to play the bassoon...

AG would like to become Queen of the World. Oh yeah, watch Bush, Cheney, Condi and Rove put into a cell for life with Manson and his boyfriend.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

My hovercraft is full of eels.

Snag said...

I thought AG was already Queen of the World.

Chuckles said...

Will you please fondle my buttocks?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Apparently, AG is a Princess.

Elmo said...

I would like to invade Amsterdam.

Anonymous said...

I've actually done #4...It's quite a lot of fun. I don't own one now, and I feel amputated. I sometimes have a "phantom bassoon" sensation. Really.

Chuckles said...

The chair is against my groin.

Kathleen said...

I read #4 as "Learn to play the bosom."

Snag said...

Brilliant ideas all, bosom playing in particular.