A Star Is Born

"Do you want to be in a commercial?" my friend R. asked me.

"For what?"

"Beer."

"Of course," I said. "What do I have to do?"

"Drink beer and act like you enjoy it."

"That'll be a stretch," I said. "What should I wear?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Do I have to wear pants?"

"I don't care," said R. "We're filming it at the art director's house, though, and he's kind of fussy about his furniture."

"Pants it is," I said. "What are my lines?"

"It's a man in the street sort of thing. Just talk about why you like beer."

"Because it helps me forget my kids?" I suggested.

"You and me both," said R. "Unfortunately, that sort of honesty doesn't play well with focus groups."

"I bet it does with our demographic," I said.

"Probably. But we already buy beer."

"And bourbon," I noted.

"Your point?" asked R.

"I have options besides beer."

"This is local beer. It's not only tasty, it supports the economy."

"Why do I care about the economy?"

"So our kids have somewhere to work when they drop out of school," said R.

"I'll be dead by then," I said.

"You wish."

"My family will kill me before my liver does," I said.

"I can get a tagline out of that," said R.