The Lovely Bride's winter break has ended and she's returned to school. This has two immediate negative consequences. The first is the impact on the family economy, which we can fortunately handle. The second and more important is the impact it has on the time I spend with my children. More of that ≠ good for all you math whizzes. I have therefore prepared a syllabus for the home schooling curriculum I plan to offer as an alternative. This semester's offerings:
1. A Brief History of Meat
An historical overview of the butcher's art with emphasis on the loin and hock. Students will be expected to compare and contrast beef, pork, and lamb. The second half of the semester will focus on the cultural differences among schnitzel, moo shu, and churrasco. (2.0 credits; 2150 calories)
2. Introduction to Foot Rubs
Meeting daily for twelve weeks, this course will examine a variety of foot rub techniques. Special attention will be paid to the peroneus longus tendon and the region immediately surrounding the fifth metatarsal. Feet will be provided. (3.0 credits; pass/fail)
3. Martinis For Two
An in-depth exploration of the relative values of gin and vodka in this classic drink. Olives will be the primary garnish but students will be expected to be equally versed in the use of cocktail onions. May be taken concurrently with Introduction to Foot Rubs. (2.0 credits; lab course)
4. The Wonder of Me
Snag's life will be traced from early childhood to the current day. Field trips will be used to develop an appreciation for his humble beginnings and his meteoric rise to fame. If scheduling permits, Snag will attend one class session. Please, no eye contact. (5.0 credits; prerequisite - Sycophancy II)
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Open Your Books
Posted by Snag at 10:01 PM
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27 comments:
Classic Snag!
I have taken Sycophancy II. How much more is it for out of state students?
I think Snag zipped through a small time warp in the middle of that one. "I to offer"?
Sorry. The accident rattled my brains and I reverted to previous behavior for a minute. Better now.
Umm, isn't there a Special Extra Credit segment of the Brief Meats where the student is forced - umm, asked to prepare the meats, and the Teacher will evaluate (evaluation, requiring, of course, eating the work) Because, you know, you don't want to be cooking for yourself.
Actually, this portion could be combined with the other two to keep all the Snags busy.
especially if one is taking the required Phys Ed hour: "Shoveling Snow and Painting houses: Outdoor work to keep you in shape and teach you a Trade!"
What happened to the Art History course, "Chili Dogs of the Western World and Their Influence on Reformation Era Portraiture"?
The best-laid plans of mice and Snag often go awry. But then get corrected thanks to our friend and freelance editor BP.
Speaking of BP, he and Chuckles both seem eminently qualified to serve as adjunct faculty, although BP's course seems better suited to an internet course, probably a pay-per-view one.
There is no out-state tuition surcharge. Our outrageous costs are subsidized equally by the student loan bureaucracy regardless of residency.
Do you take exchange students?
Also, the lack of an elective course involving bourbon is somewhat surprising. Surely the Jack Daniel Institute hasn't pulled its funding?
(insert predictable "endowment" joke here)
How about:
Interstellar physics (vacuuming), and
Microbiology (cleaning the fridge)?
(insert predictable "endowment" joke here)
This is a family blog and we're not going to discuss Snag's endowment...
or lack thereof.
I think if you combine a foot rub with a martini, you get a Manhattan.
depends on the offer, Snag.
Does the Faculty lounge contain:
a) HD 'video monitor'
b) adult beverage dispensing stations
c) grill
And, as you point out, the option to administer the course from remote locations. I dibs Hawaii.
Also, MenD: 'bourbon' and 'elective' are not allowed in the same sentence. You flunk Snaglish.
Snaglish:
Je moose
tu moose
vous moussez
nous mousson
il moose
Oh, I also want to teach Contemporary Shop: during which non-college bound students master how to Steal Cable; Washing my Car; and Blowing Shit Up for Fun and Profit.
Grammar policemoose says:
je moose
tu mooses
il/elle moose
nous moosons
vous moosez
ils/elles moosent
Fun fact: the French for moose is orignal or élan
Stop bothering the moose. He bites.
It's like a regular on-line Chautauqua here.
Imparfait
je moussais
tu moussais
il moussait
nous moussions
vous moussiez
ils moussaient
I think you left off Answers to Routine Questions from the Department of Health and Human Servcies for Dummies.
Geeeeze Louise MenD... it was a joke and then you have to go get all French BP on my hiny...
I will admit I find moosent a little unpleasant.
You shouldn't try to Frenchify in front of a Canadianoid, Jenifer.
You shouldn't try to Frenchify in front of a Canadianoid, Jenifer.
2 n's BP. :) You shouldn't try to Jenniferify in front of one.
As for FrenD... I was not trying to be serious, having forgotten most of my French eons ago and I'm sure, never having known even a sliver of what he does. Those Canadianoids need to lighten up. MenD was probably pounding his chest ala Celine. Next thing you know, he'll think we all want to move to his country because of our whacked out politics. Oh wait... maybe that was Mandos. :)
Within every American and Fake Canadian, there's a real Canadian waiting to burst out. From the chest.
call Signorney Weaver STAT!!!
A little lizard wearing a toque.
Great.
Within every American and Fake Canadian, there's a real Canadian waiting to burst out. From the chest.
LOL
I can see that lizard with the toque. As a matter of fact, I think I saw it on Tom Cruise's sun room shelf!
Within every American and Fake Canadian, there's a real Canadian waiting to burst out. From the chest.
It looks like this.
And once again fish proves he does no real work during the day (or night).
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