God Helps Those Who Help Themselves

I spent tonight awaiting completion of my youngest's basketball tryouts (picture a bunch of hypercompetitive grade schoolers playing 3-on-3), my middle son's soccer practice (picture a bunch of hypercompetitive middle schoolers playing 6-on-6), and the end of the Eagles-Redskins game (picture a bunch of overpaid slackers playing grab ass). In other words, I had plenty of free time.

Time spent wisely, I might add, inspired as I was by Pinko Punko and Jennifer, and their reference to that greatest of writers, Mitch Albom. Sure, "Tuesdays With Morrie" and "The Five People You Meet In Heaven" are classics in their own right. But surely the genre has more to offer us. Here are some other favorites.

1. "Wednesdays With Trixie"
A moving encounter of a middle-aged businessman's weekly session with a Filipino masseuse. This book club favorite uses the metaphor of lying naked beneath a towel in a hot sheet motel room as a way to explore the vulnerabilities we all feel in our daily lives. There is a little Trixie in all of us.

2. "Jonathan Livingston Porkchop"
Most porkchops are content with their fate, happy to be grilled, eaten, and forgotten. Unlike the rest of his Family Pork Value Pack, however, Jonathan dreams of a larger world, one in which he can find the freedom he so desires. Whether he succeeds is beside the point; it is his attempt that matters, a lesson for every reader.

3. "The Cellophane Prophecy"
When a troubled roll of Saran Wrap finds herself hopeless stuck, she is confronted by an ancient roll of papyrus. Tracing the metaphysical origins of wrapping materials, this strikingly original work explores the angst and the questing that is part of every life, be it organic or manufactured. A story to unite the world.

4. "The Porpoise-Driven Life"
Drawing from the notion that porpoises were put on earth as messengers from God, this bestseller exhorts us to follow the example these gentle "dolphins of the family Phocoenidae" as we continue our spiritual journey. The wildly popular monthly cleansing ritual of sardine oil may have resulted in overfishing in certain areas of the Atlantic, but for the best cause of all - spiritual holisticnessicyishness.

5. "Chicken Soup for the Zombie Soul"
Far too often, our undead brothers and sisters are neglected by the self-help publishers. This delightful exception gives practical suggestions on how to bring back that pre-grave spark. Pamper yourself! Treat yourself to a four-brain dinner! Devour a neighbor! Just because you're dead doesn't mean you can't live it up.