Thursday, May 24, 2007

Cheers!

With the long weekend coming up, many of you will be getting together with friends and family. When you do, there's nothing like a refreshing cocktail to make you forget how much you really dislike them. Here in Snagsville we've developed a few of our own favorites.

1. Tee Many Martooni

Mix one bottle gin and a splash of dry vermouth. Purchase one large dram shop policy. Garnish with an olive. Consume.

2. Black Russian

Make one medium White Russian. Add black food coloring.

3. Sex on the Interstate

Combine 3 oz. absinthe, 3 oz. Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, 5 oz. whole milk, and 5 oz. grain alcohol. Garnish with a corn dog.

4. Manhattan, Kansas

Mix 4 oz. ethanol, 2 oz. raw beef (preferably corn fed), and loam to taste. Blend until frothy and top with a marble.

5. Grasshopper

In a large bowl, combine 1 gallon creme de menthe, 1 cup hot cocoa, and a pinch of cayenne. Sprinkle with grasshoppers and serve at room temperature.

6. Yiddish Coffee

Brew one pot kosher coffee. Stir in 1 cup tequila, 1 tbsp. horseradish, and 1 tsp. liquid from a jar of gefilte fish. Bring to a boil and serve immediately. When finished, wrap serving glasses in a towel and stomp on them.

7. Appletini

Make one martini. Flavor with apple.

8. Pork Daiquiri

In blender, combine 3 cups homemade rum, 6 hotdogs, and the juice from 1 overripe tomato. Blend until hotdogs are creamy and serve over ice.

9. Mojito

Stir 2 mojitos into 1 teacup of ginger ale. Microwave on half-power for 17 seconds. Garnish with chives.

10. Margarita

Using a small industrial-grade wire whisk, mix 3 peeled limes, 1 cup sugar, and 2 pinches of powdered liver. Pour over high-quality bran and chill until slightly frozen.

Enjoy!

Update:

Several Friends of Befouled have asked whether the Snags ever enjoy any moose-related beverages. Of course! I often begin my day with the following eye-opener:

11. The Moose is Loose

Combine 1 quart Moose Drool Brown Ale,
3 tsps. Southern Moose corn liquor, 1 bottle Jägermøøster, 1 can Canadian Club whisky, and 750 ml. extra-peaty Scotch. Garnish with a hoof and serve flaming.

14 comments:

Jennifer said...

I've had Tee Many Martoonis before... not pretty!!!

Sex on the Interstate sounds... interesting... in that train wreck kind of way.

But my faaaaaave... the Pork Daiquiri! Sure to be a Snag Classic! Mmmmmm! Creamy hot dogs! Now if that doesn't quench your thirst and get the party started, I don't know what will.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Thanks AG just vomitted.

Pinko Punko said...

"top with marble"

I am dying.

Jennifer said...

Hey! What about the Snagtini? Or would that be the Snagwallbanger?

Take one Snag, pour the contents of one bottle of gin (or vodka) down his gullet, shake gently. Garnish Snag with olives or fruit rinds after he has retched and fallen over.

For the Golden Snagtini, omit garnish and replace with Katie lifting a leg.

Kathleen said...

I was laughing along until the pork one. Then I just felt sick.

I am also saddened by the lack of moose on this menu.

Jennifer said...

Yeah! Where are the Moosetinis??

Chuckles said...

The Mojito sounded fine up until the ginger ale.

I make my margaritas in a serving bowl. A 10 gallon serving bowl that is normally used to keep fish.

Snag said...

Snag never retches. He's had too much practice.

Chuckles, you and I have to get together someday. Nonworking fire hydrants would be the least of the city's problems.

Jennifer and Kathleen, your wish is my command.

Jennifer said...

The moose ain't all that's loose after downing that concoction!!

Nice addition though, Snagtender.

Kathleen said...

that flaming moose would burn down half of DC!

"Jägermøøster" is awesome. nice job.

Jennifer said...

Damn, now I have "Hey, Snagtender!" (ala "Hey big spender!") stuck in my head...

Adorable said...

Snag, what do you mean you aren't coming to Chi-town in the Snagmobile with your snagtender props?! UC is coming. I mean -- U-C!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Snag said...

AG, as much as I'd love to, and I would indeed love to, I'm stuck between business trips that weekend. It makes me sad.

Righteous Bubba said...

That Black Russian recipe is my whole approach to cooking right there.

And it works. Avoid blue however.