Harvest Time

I spent the weekend at a friend's cabin.

"Be careful," said the Lovely Bride as I was packing. "It's deer opener."

"I know," I replied. "I'm bringing my antler hat. You can finally collect on my insurance."

My youngest perked up at this. "Woo hoo, we're going to be rich!"

"I love you too, buddy," I said absently, as I tucked some vinegar in with my socks.

"Why are you bringing vinegar?" the Lovely Bride asked.

"To keep away the flies."

"What?"

"You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

"Then why are you bringing honey?"

"Bear bait."

"Well, that's just great," said my middle son. "Bears. Now you're putting the whole cabin in jeopardy."

His younger brother and I giggled. The Lovely Bride looked confused.

"It's from Anchorman," I explained.

"Best movie ever," said my youngest.

"Except for Gangs of New York," said the middle one.

The Lovely Bride rolled her eyes. "Your father got in enough trouble for letting you watch that," she told the middle boy. "Don't make it worse." Turning to me she asked again, "Why are you bringing honey and vinegar?"

"It's for a recipe," I said.

"What are you making?"

"Cannibal stew."

"What's cannibal stew?" asked the youngest.

"It's made from dead people," I told him.

"Gross," he shrieked.

"Ignore your father," said the Lovely Bride.

"I learned to eat it in the Army," I told him. "It was part of our training."

"What's wrong with you?" the Lovely Bride asked.

"Seriously. That way if you're ever trapped behind enemy lines you'll have overcome the social barriers that would prevent you from doing what you need to survive."

"You've never had a problem ignoring social barriers," said the Lovely Bride.

"That's because I have high self-esteem," I said.

"Because you're a moron," said my oldest son.

"Anyway," I continued, "the Army would cook up these huge vats of cannibal stew and then everyone would have to try a spoonful."

"You're lying," said my youngest. "The Army didn't let you kill people."

"Of course not. They used people who died accidentally. Like human road kill."

"So where are you going to get a dead person this weekend?" he asked triumphantly. "Nowhere. Liar."

"He'd have a point if this conversation made sense," the Lovely Bride told me.

"I'm spending the weekend with my friends at a cabin full of liquor in the middle of the woods during deer hunting season. What are the odds we're all going to survive?"

The Lovely Bride contemplated this.

I started nibbling on her neck. "Mmm, you'd make good stew."

"Go away," she said.

"Kiss the cook," I said, giving her a smooch.

"Gross," said the youngest.

Untitled - Part 24

So far.

Twenty-fourth

Officer Steenson piloted her squad through the quiet, suburban patrol grid. She enjoyed her work. It was easy, compared to the city. Barking dogs, speeding tickets, once in a while a drunk driver or a family argument. Slipping into middle age and with two kids at home, easy was fine.

Untitled - Part 23

So far.

Twenty-third

Linda finished putting away the dishes and looked outside. She saw Jeffrey talking to the neighbor. There was no point in rushing him. The zoo was nearby, at least not far, and the day spread out before her with its warm and lazy rhythm. They had time, all they needed.

Untitled - Part 22

So far.

Twenty-second

“Are you sure you know where we’re going?” asked Mike.

“Yes,” said Ray.

“I don’t know why anybody would want to live way the hell out in the middle of nowhere.”

“To get away.”

“From what?”

“Everything.”

“I guess it didn’t work out that way for him.”

“I guess not.”

Untitled - Part 21

A recap.

First

"What's in this?" he asked.

"Nothing. Eggs. Salt. Pepper."

"Is it good?"

"It’s fine. It’s eggs."

He took a bite. "Not bad."

"I told you."

“So.”

"So?"

"What do you think?"

"I don't know."

"Is it safe?"

"I don't know. Probably not."

"We have to do it."

"Yes. We do."

Second

They’d talked about it for weeks. Risks, rewards. It was like a business to them. It was a business. Not the way most people thought about business, maybe, but a business still. It took planning and investment and sweat and if things went well there was profit to be made.

Third

The radio played while they ate. The window was open and the music carried in the still, heavy morning heat, a song that wasn’t good and wasn’t bad. A year from now nobody would remember it. Mike smiled to himself and pushed his toast around the plate, drank some coffee.

Fourth

Ray finished his eggs. “Those were good,” he said.

“Glad you liked them,” said Mike. “Ready to make the call?”

Ray shrugged. “You’re sure this is the right number?”

“I checked it. Three times. He’ll be there.”

“What if he’s not?”

“He will be.”

Ray dialed.

Somewhere the phone rang.

Fifth

Nobody answered. It rang and kept ringing.

Ray hung up. “You said this was the right number.”

“It is. I checked it. Twice.”

“You said three times.”

“It doesn’t matter, I checked it. It’s his.”

“Why didn’t he answer?”

“He’s not there.”

“Or he doesn’t want to talk to us.”

Sixth

She picked up the phone and listened to the dial tone for a moment.

“Who was that?” asked her son.

“Nobody,” she answered. “A wrong number.”

“Was it Dad?”

“No.”

“Where is he?”

“He’ll be home soon.” She began putting away groceries. Soup. Oreos. Green peppers. A bottle of wine.

Seventh

Ray swore and poured more coffee. Bourbon was better but that was for later. When they had the money. When they were gone, nothing left behind but some dirty dishes.

Mike dried the frying pan. “What are we going to do?” he asked. “I’m counting on this. I have plans.”

Eighth

“We all have plans,” said Ray.

“What are we going to do?” Mike asked again.

“We’re going to find him.”

“It’s a big city.”

“He’s a big man. We’ll find him.”

“What if we can’t?”

“He’ll find us,” said Ray.

“Why?”

“He’s got a wife. A kid.”

Mike grinned. “Right.”

Ninth

“What are we going to do today?” Tyler asked his mother.

“We’ll see,” she answered.

“Can we go to the zoo?”

“We’ll see,” she repeated.

“Where's Dad?”

“I don’t know.”

“Is he late?”

“A little.”

“Call him.”

“Not yet," she said. "In a few minutes. If he isn't home soon.”

Tenth

“Where does he live?” asked Mike.

“In the suburbs,” said Ray.

“That figures,” said Mike. He jammed the pistol in his belt.

“You going to use that?” asked Ray.

“Maybe. If I have to.”

Ray shrugged. “Let’s go. I’ll drive.”

“You always drive.”

“Someone has to.”

“Why you?”

“Why not?”

Eleventh

Jeffrey pulled into the driveway. His wife and son were at the door.

“Where were you?” Linda called. “We were getting worried.”

“I stopped for donuts,” Jeffrey replied. “Chocolate.” He held up a bag. “There was a line.”

“You’re sweet,” said Linda. “Coffee?”

He gave her a kiss. “Yes. Thanks.”

Twelfth

“Can we go to the zoo?” Tyler asked his father.

“We’ll see.”

“That’s what Mom said."

"Your mother's a smart lady."

"Please?"

“Maybe.”

“That means no.”

“That means maybe.”

“The zoo would be fun,” said Linda. She smiled.

He smiled back. “Let me wash the car first. Then we’ll go.”

Thirteenth

Ray and Mike drove through the city. At a stoplight a woman pushed a stroller past their car. They watched her walk away.

“Good legs,” said Mike.

“Not bad,” Ray agreed.

“Do you know to get there?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“I had a job out there once.”

“Nice neighborhood?”

“Nice enough.”

Fourteenth

Jeffrey finished his coffee and pushed away from the table. He stood.

“Are you going to wash the car now?” Tyler asked.

“Hold on, Sparky. I need to change.”

“Okay. Hurry up.”

“Pick up your room while we’re waiting for your father,” said Linda.

“Do I have to?”

“Yes. Scoot.”

Fifteenth

The sun was high now. A lawnmower was running nearby and the air smelled of cut grass.

Linda followed Jeffrey upstairs. “Thanks, honey,” she said. “Tyler’s really excited.”

“It’ll be fun. We haven’t been there in a long time.”

“Remember how he used to love the monkeys?”

Together, they laughed.

Sixteenth

“Why do you think he did it?” asked Mike.

“Did what?” asked Ray.

“Chanced it.”

“I suppose he’s greedy. Like everyone.”

“He must be stupid.”

“Why?”

“He knew this would happen.”

“What?”

“Whatever happens.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s stupid.”

“What does it mean?”

“It just means that he’s not lucky.”

Seventeenth

“You think it’s luck?” Mike asked.

“Luck. Fate. God. Something. It doesn’t matter.”

“God doesn’t matter?”

“Does it matter why something bad happens?”

“I guess not.”

Ray sighed. “Bad is bad.”

“Does he deserve it?”

“Like I said. It doesn’t matter.”

“What if it matters to me?”

“That’s your problem.”

Eighteenth

In an office high above the city, Jackie waited. He wasn’t a patient man.

“Where the fuck are those guys?”

“Want me to call them?” asked his assistant.

“I don’t want to talk to them. I just want this thing done.”

“They’re good. They’ll take care of it.”

“They better.”

Nineteenth

Tyler cleaned his room.

“Hi there, Mr. Fuzz, how are you?” he said, putting a stuffed bear on a shelf.

“I’m fine, Tyler, how are you?” he said in a different voice.

“I’m happy, Mr. Fuzz. I get to go to the zoo today.”

Unnoticed in the doorway, Linda smiled.

Twentieth

“You think maybe we should call Jackie?” Mike asked.

Ray grimaced. “No.”

“Why?”

“Jackie wants to know it’s done.”

“So?”

“Are we done?”

“No.”

“There you go.”

“What if he calls us?”

“Let’s hope he doesn’t.”

“What if he does?”

“We’ll tell him we’re on our way to finish it.”

Twenty-first

Jeffrey filled a bucket with water. He had a sponge, soap, wax. He waved to his next door neighbor.

“Too bad you’ve got to spend such a nice day washing your car,” the neighbor said.

“I don’t mind,” said Jeffrey. “I’m going to the zoo later. With Linda and Tyler.”

Rust Never Sleeps And Neither Do Zombies

I've got to think Rotten's posted this somewhere, but what the hell, I steal from him all the time anyway.

Untitled - Part 20

So far.

Twentieth

“You think maybe we should call Jackie?” Mike asked.

Ray grimaced. “No.”

“Why?”

“Jackie wants to know it’s done.”

“So?”

“Are we done?”

“No.”

“There you go.”

“What if he calls us?”

“Let’s hope he doesn’t.”

“What if he does?”

“We’ll tell him we’re on our way to finish it.”