California Dreaming

"I thought Yosemite was lovely," said my mother.

"Overrated," I said. "It's a bunch of expensive rocks."

"Be quiet," said the Lovely Bride. "I want to hear about your mother's trip."

"She went to California. She saw a waterfall. She overpaid. What else do you need to know?" I asked.

My mother turned her back to me in hope of having a conversation with the Lovely Bride.

"At least I don't have to listen to him go on about how I've visited an authoritarian state," she said.

"Hello," I said. "Yosemite? National Park Service?"

"The Park Service really does a nice job with the funds they have," said my mother.

"It's a real collectivist paradise, isn't it?" I asked. "Comrade."

"Does he ever stop?" my mother asked the Lovely Bride.

"I don't know," said the Lovely Bride. "I stopped listening years ago."

"That was an excellent decision," said my mother. "I liked you from the beginning."

"I have to say you warned me," said the Lovely Bride.

"You've been very patient," said my mother.

"Really? We're going to have this conversation? Again?" I asked.

"Tell me about Yosemite," said the Lovely Bride.

"Come here, Lucy," I said to the dog.

Lucy walked over to my mother and plopped her head in her lap.

"Fine. Be that way," I told them all.