Thursday, August 19, 2010

Close To The Tree

"Is that a black eye?"

"No," said my youngest.

"Yes it is," I said. "How'd you do that?"

"Remember when I slept over at M.'s house two nights ago? You drove us over there and on the way you were asking him about basketball and then we were talking about the time a couple years ago we played that one team and he tried to make a shot from the corner and his dad yelled at him and then he said he could have made it anyway and then his dad yelled at him some more?"

I already regretted this conversation. "What are you talking about?" I demanded.

"After you dropped us at his house we ate dinner and played with the dogs for a while."

"The dogs gave you a black eye?" I asked.

"No."

"Then why are you telling me about them?"

"Don't be stupid," said the boy.

"Sorry," I said.

"After we played with the dogs we went outside to play baseball."

"You got hit with a baseball?"

"I told you to stop being stupid," he said.

"Sorry," I repeated.

"We couldn't find a baseball. So we were going to play with a tennis ball. But we couldn't find one of those either."

"What did you do instead?" I asked, long past the point of actually caring.

"We used a basketball."

"Oh, you got hit with the basketball."

"No, M. pitched the basketball to me," he continued. "When I swung at it, the bat bounced back and hit me in the eye."

"You hit yourself in the head with a baseball bat?" I asked.

"Sort of," he said.

"And I'm stupid?"

"Yes," he said.

"Okay, then," I said.

11 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Jeez, Snag. Aren't you a lawyer or something?

Who amongst us hasn't hit our self in the head with a baseball bat?

Now admittedly, I haven't done EXACTLY that. But I did almost saw off one of my fingers with a steak knife, and I once hit my left knee with a hatchet.

Normal course of business, and such as.
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

time for the Bourbon Bowl....

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

it is obvious they are training you to stop asking questions.

...would you like to hear some songs about zombies instead?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I once hit my left knee with a hatchet.

Circumcision: I am CERTAIN u r doin it rong.

Von said...

I am amused.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

"No, M. pitched the basketball to me," he continued. "When I swung at it, the bat bounced back and hit me in the eye."


You need to have a talk with the boy's physics teacher.

Substance McGravitas said...

I once hit my left knee with a hatchet.

All the "left foot" photos force me to conclude that you are WEAK WEAK WEAK.

Brando said...

Your son's story could also serve as a metaphor for the Cubs season.

Smut Clyde said...

I did almost saw off one of my fingers with a steak knife

At what point did you notice?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

When all the blood started coming out...

P.S. The hatchet maneuver involved a tree stump and dull hatchet that glanced off same. So neither was very deep, but decades later the scars are still there.
~

Kathleen said...

and then Brett Favre retired.