Save Me

"What's on?" I asked my middle kid. He was in the Lovely Bride's and my room watching TV.

"Nothing you'd understand," he said.

"Oooh, college basketball," I said.

"Like I told you, nothing you'd understand."

"Did that guy just hit a home run?"

"Shut up," he snarled.

I plopped down next to him on the bed.

"Go away," he said.

"I love you, buddy," I said.

"Seriously, go away, Chubs," said the boy, using the endearing nickname he bestowed on me after reading an article about American obesity.

"Keep me wet until you can get me back in the ocean," I moaned, rolling back and forth and making whale noises. I whacked him with my arm.

"What are you doing?" he demanded.

"Hitting you with my fluke," I said.

He put his head down. "God, I'm going to need a lot of therapy someday," he said.