Songs I Never Hated - Part 34

California Dreaming

"I thought Yosemite was lovely," said my mother.

"Overrated," I said. "It's a bunch of expensive rocks."

"Be quiet," said the Lovely Bride. "I want to hear about your mother's trip."

"She went to California. She saw a waterfall. She overpaid. What else do you need to know?" I asked.

My mother turned her back to me in hope of having a conversation with the Lovely Bride.

"At least I don't have to listen to him go on about how I've visited an authoritarian state," she said.

"Hello," I said. "Yosemite? National Park Service?"

"The Park Service really does a nice job with the funds they have," said my mother.

"It's a real collectivist paradise, isn't it?" I asked. "Comrade."

"Does he ever stop?" my mother asked the Lovely Bride.

"I don't know," said the Lovely Bride. "I stopped listening years ago."

"That was an excellent decision," said my mother. "I liked you from the beginning."

"I have to say you warned me," said the Lovely Bride.

"You've been very patient," said my mother.

"Really? We're going to have this conversation? Again?" I asked.

"Tell me about Yosemite," said the Lovely Bride.

"Come here, Lucy," I said to the dog.

Lucy walked over to my mother and plopped her head in her lap.

"Fine. Be that way," I told them all.

Where In The World Is Snag - October 24, 2011

Where am I?

A. In the presence of all that is holy

B. Guantanamo

C. Nursing my grudges

D. Planning my revenge

E. _____?

Songs I Never Hated - Part 33

Songs I Never Hated - Part 32

Abbot & Hardy

I was standing next to one of the other player's mothers. We were waiting for the end of the middle school basketball team's scrimmage. Shirts versus skins.

"I've hardly seen you since last spring," she said. Her oldest plays basketball year round, my youngest plays baseball in the summer. They're friends, but the different schedules keep us apart sometimes.

"I know," I said. "We need to get the families together for dinner one of these days."

"Every time that happens, my husband ends up drunk," she said.

"He's funny when he's drunk," I pointed out.

"Even so," she said. "You're a bad influence."

"I hear that a lot," I said.

The scrimmage ended and our sons walked over, pulling on their shirts.

"Whoa," she teased my kid. "Good thing the girls are practicing on the other side of the wall. You're ripped."

"Yeah," he shrugged. "That 500 hours of TV I watched this summer really paid off."

She laughed. I grimaced. "Let's go," I told him. "No need to brag about your horrible upbringing."

In the car on the way home, he said, "I've never been as bored as I was last night."

"Why?" I asked.

"There wasn't anything on TV."

"You could have read something," I suggested.

He rolled his eyes. "We have to read at school. Why would I read at home?"

Silly me. "What did you do instead?" I asked.

"Watched TV."

"Not even trying anymore, are you?" I said.

"You admitted you're a horrible parent," he reminded me.

"I should have followed Roger Daltrey on tour," I said.

"Who?" he asked.

"Exactly," I said.

The Kids Are Alright

What a nice man:















What a fine song:



What a shame my iPhone's camera sucks so much.